Scorpius Malfoy: The Master of the Two Hour Female Orgasm
by Holly The Sparkling Unicorn
Summary: Fourteen drabbles about Scorpius and various other characters!
1. Scorpius and Lily

**Scorpius Malfoy: The Master of the Two Hour Female Orgasm (And God only knows what he does to men)**

"Everyone welcome Scorpius Malfoy! Master of the two-hour female orgasm!"

"Oh Merlin, Lily, will you please shut up?" Albus rolled his eyes while Scorpius put his head down as his girlfriend came over to him and kissed his cheek.

"Please," Lily scoffed, sitting in between Scorpius and her brother. "You're just insanely jealous."

"That I can't have a two hour long orgasm?" Albus laughed. "No, I am definably not jealous of that."

Lily rolled her eyes. "No, that I'm with Scorpius and you're not."

Albus bellowed. "Yes, because I definably want to bone my best mate."

Lily shrugged. "You said it!"

"I'm sitting right here, you know." Scorpius sputtered with a glare. "And I would appreciate if we could keep my sex life private, thanks."

* * *

Gringotts: [Words instead of Said] Bellowed, scoffed, sputtered


	2. Scorpius and Neville

Scorpius was sat at the edge of the black lake looking at the ducks that were swimming around in the water when Professor Longbottom approached him. "Scorpius, what are you doing?"

Scorpius looked at his Herbology teacher with a confused expression, what did it look like he was doing? He was sitting down watching the ducks in the pond. Trying not to roll his eyes (he didn't want to be rude to his professor, after all) he calmly replied: "I like watching ducks, feeding the ducks. I find ducks very relaxing."

Professor Longbottom nodded and sat next to Scorpius, passing him some food to feed to the ducks.

* * *

Drabble Wars - Scorpius/Neville - "I like watching ducks, feeding the ducks. I find ducks very relaxing."


	3. Scorpius and Rose

Scorpius Malfoy was the hottest boy in school, so naturally he was always getting proposes for dates. He didn't really mind, to be honest he actually quite liked all the attention he got from the girls (and even some guys). However there was one girl who just couldn't take no for an answer and Scorpius was getting sick and tired of politely telling her he wasn't interested.

"I was wondering what time I should pick you up tomorrow?" Rose asked him one day in math.

Scorpius screwed up his face, it wasn't because Rose wasn't pretty enough - she was gorgeous with her long strawberry blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Her personality, however was just impossible to like. "How about quarter to never?" He answered picking up all his books and leaving Rose behind planning her next attempt to ask him out.

* * *

January Event: Scorpius/Rose

Drabble Wars: Scorpius/Rose - "I was wondering what time I should pick you up tomorrow?" / "How about quarter to never?"

Gringotts: Highschool!AU, Scorpius/Rose


	4. Scorpius and Dominique

Dominique fell into the couch next to her best friend Scorpius. How the two blonde headed teenagers ever became friends was a mystery that no one knew, however the two were inseparable.

Dominique had been gone on a date with a Hufflepuff seventh year and by the looks of things, it didn't go well. Scorpius looked up from his potions textbook and laughed. "What happened?"

Dominique puffed. "Rule number one. Don't ever fall in love with a straight girl."

Scorpius smirked. "Domi? Pretty sure that would work in my favor."

Dominique threw a pillow at Scorpius' head causing her friend to burst out in giggles.

* * *

Drabble Wars: Scorpius/Dominique - Rule number one: Never fall in love with a straight girl


	5. Scorpius and Victorie

"Why don't you just go ask him out? He's hot enough… I know I'd shag him until there was nothing left, just a pair of glasses and a damp patch."

"Victorie! He's standing right there!"

Scorpius looked behind him to see Ava Finnigin and Victorie Weasley standing against the wall. Ava blushed, clearly embarrassed about what her friend had said. Victorie, however just smirked.

"Oh hey, Scorpius. Didn't see you there!"

"Sure you didn't," Scorpius replied, shaking his head. Victorie had a reputation with all of the guys around Hogwarts, so Scorpius wasn't the least surprised at what she had said. Although he felt bad for Ava, so he just turned around and went on with his business.

* * *

Drabble Wars: Scorpius/Victorie - I'd shag him until there was nothing left, just a pair of glasses and a damp patch.


	6. Scorpius and James

Scorpius paced around the kitchen without really paying attention to what he was doing. He grabbed the eggs out of the fridge and cracked them open into a glass.

"What are you doing, Scorpius?" James yawned, coming into the room with his nightclothes and slippers on. "It's three AM!"

Scorpius looked at James. "I'm just like my mother," he commented. "Whenever I'm upset, I cook!"

"And you decide three AM is the best time for eggs?" James shook his head, "you are the weirdest person ever."

"Thanks James," Scorpius called sarcastically, but James had already went back upstairs to bed.

* * *

Drabble Wars: Scorpius/James - "I am just like my mother. When she is upset, she cooks."


	7. Scorpius and Bella

"You know you once told me calling me Satin was an insult to Satin," Bella said with a grin.

Scorpius laughed. "Well no ones perfect," he declared. "Besides, I'm pretty sure you were chasing me around the house with dads old wand trying to catch me on fire."

"You cut all the hair off my Wicket Sister Dolls!" Bella defended.

"I was six!" Scorpius rebuttaled in a fit of laughter. "God, we were horrible kids."

"It's a good thing I was around to keep you all in line," Naomi pitched in from the couch across the room making Bella and Scorpius burst out laughing once again.

* * *

Drabble Wars: Scorpius/Bella - "You once told me that calling me 'Satan' was an insult to Satan." / "Well, no one's perfect."


	8. Scorpius and Naomi

"I not afraid you!" Three year old Naomi exclaimed, sticking her tongue out at her older brother.

"Oh?" Scorpius laughed. "Well you really, really should be."

"Why?" Naomi giggled.

"Because," Scorpius said matter of factly. "I can..." Scorpius paused, moving over close to his sister. "Tickle you!"

"Stop!" Naomi squealed in laughter causing Scorpius to tickle her even more.

"Who is the supreme ruler of the cookie jar?"

"Yew are!"

"And who is the bestest biggest brother ever?"

"Yew!"

"Okay," Scorpius grinned and stopped tickling his sister.

Naomi pouted. "Yew mean!"

* * *

Drabble Wars: Scorpius/Naomi - "I'm not afraid of you." / "But you really, really should be." _(Once Upon a Time)_


	9. Scorpius and Lucy

"Scorpius, We need to talk."

"Don't say that. When women say that, everything goes black, and I wake up surrounded by body parts."

"Are you telling me you are incapable of holding human emotion so when you are forced to feel anything remotely human you lash out by killing people?"

"... What do you think I am, b'y? A vampire?"

"Maybe? You're not denying it!"

"Lucy, I think you have officially went crazy..."

"That's probable, however you're the one that started it."

"Started what?"

"... I don't really know."

"What did you want to talk about?"

"I don't remember, now! Now all you got me thinking of is body parts!"

"It was a joke, Luce!"

"Well it wasn't funny!"

* * *

Drabble Wars: Scorpius/Lucy - "Scorpius, We need to talk." / "Don't say that. When women say that, everything goes black, and I wake up surrounded by body parts."


End file.
